Today, morning greeted me with a heavy feeling in my heart and a lingering sense of sadness. Not the type of sad where I want to whine and mope all day (although that kind of sounds appealing too), but the kind of sad at understanding that something wonderful has just ended (you’re so overjoyed and blessed it happened, but you still feel a pang at it coming to a close). This leaves me in a contemplative mood, and in these moods I am prone to dwell on things that have been lurking in my mind (like that little itch to retrieve the pen that fell behind my bed but that I just haven’t got to…yet). The funny thing is…there are just so.many.things. that have been lying (mostly) dormant in boxes and cases in the space between my ears, I’m not entirely sure which lid I want to lift and what forgotten object I’ll find disguised by dust under my bed. Maybe I’ll take a peek into several cases, so prepare yourself for a blog that is random tidbits of nothing conclusive.
1) Lyrics – I can’t enjoy music that don’t have lyrics I enjoy too. (eff you J T and you stupid “I’m bringing sexy back,” your nonsensical lyrics and idiotic beats do nothing to appease the music goddness in me). Point being, I love finding lyrics in songs that stay with me. There are a few lines as of late that have found a niche in my ear and have made themselves quite at home:
“Ada don’t talk about reasons why you don’t want to talk about reasons why you don’t want to talk”
“I won’t be no runaway cause, I won’t run”
“Didn’t want to be your ghost, didn’t want to be…anyone’s ghost”
“Hey citrus hey liquor, I love it when we come together”
“I’ve had kisses that make Judas seem sincere”
“oh, for the love of you”
If you’re not wow-ed by any of those, that’s quite alright, I’m sure if you heard the song you’d feel differently 🙂
2) My friend (who also writes) sent me a piece he had done, and there were phrases so delicious I am dying to steal them (I told him that, and he’s given me permission to make his words my own, which I TOTALLY will when I’m rich and famous and people expect wonderful things to come from me)…but for now, I’m going to copy paste them here so you can enjoy it too. I was going to just stick the bit I loved the most, but it’s so beautiful in it’s surrounding lines so I’m putting the paragraph and my favorite words in italics:
“There is much dreaming with the acceptance of a prefixed maybe. And the breaking of too many hearts, too many times. There is no road to anywhere and all paths are trodden upon for the first time. There are no surprises but rather, everything is discovered. This perhaps is its originality. But those who venture out on this often-times lonely and long journey seldom complain. There might not be conclusions, or closure, but there are rewards. And this, only those who have walked this path will ever really know.”
oh man. so.freaking.good.
The other line (from the same piece) that made me envious for not writing it first is this: “Nothing else can inspire creativity such as is borne of a desperate heart.”
3) I go to church (most) every week, and seeing as all of it happens in Nepali, I can’t always follow the sermon. I do, however, want to get something out of being there so when I find that I can’t follow the preacher, I read my Bible (I should read my Bible more than when I’m just at Church…but I’m working on that). I’ve found a lot of verses that I’ve underlined but last week, I came across a verse that’s become like the shirt in my closet I really like and want to wear but can never seem to find the right day/outfit or occasion. I don’t remember where it was, but it read “I desire mercy, not sacrifice”. Five simple words. I believe the lines preceding these five words were something along “come back to me when you understand what this means” (I really should just look this up….), but those five words in and of themselves “I desire MERCY not SACRIFICE”…it’s something I haven’t figured out, but I can tell there’s a priceless gem. If you have thoughts and more of a understanding on these words, do let me know, I’d love input.
(Oooh…lucky lucky you, it bothered me enough to find it, here we go: Matthew 9: 10-12, While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’? On hearing this, Jesus said “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners.” (ZING! Pharasees – 0, Jesus – 8724673)
I guess this post ended up taking a different direction than I thought it would, but such is the way of writing when you lack a specific sense of direction, you wander and end up where ever you end up. Anyways, seeing as this entire post ended up being about words and phrases that really got me, I guess there’s some conclusive end to this…..
The world is too big a place for us to discover everything on our own, and try as I might ALL experiences can and will never be mine so, it would be foolish not to benefit from others. Tokens of wisdom. Perhaps the beauty and awe inspired chills of all these words I’ve copied and pasted are lost on you, or maybe it just isn’t the right time for you to see what I see… I do hope that one day, you can come back and you’ll see what it is about these words that excite and comfort me. And when that happens, give me a call, we’ll have a cup of coffee (or juice for me) and just talk.