The joys of travelling


regardless of my age and mode of transport, I always seem to be ‘blessed’ with the joys of children around but today after getting to the airport, step by step phone calls telling my mom where in the airport i was, last “I love you” texts….I finally found myself seated in the aircraft and it dawned in me…there were no children around. I couldn’t believe my luck! I was happy and pulled out my book, listened to music and settled into the flight. No sooner has I got comfortable did I sense something adrift in the air and we hadn’t even taken off yet. I sniffed around wondering what was foul in the air and soon enough it hit me. The unmistakeble stench off flatulence. It creeped around me with the stealth of a ninja clad fully in black, it crawled up my nose and clug to my nostrils. This gas was so rancid I was shocked the entire plane didn’t burst out in pandonium. Seriously, how was I the ONLY one who smelled that? I was soo thankful I had decided to throw a scarf around my neck but even with the extra fabric between the methen laden air and my nasal passage the stink found a way into my brain.

Remember I hasn’t even taken off yet. While I still could, I texted my sister mentioning that while my trip appeared to lack children it Seemed to be filled with odorous gas… She said it might have been good luck.

I guess the fact that I arrived in Delhi with little to no hassle and I got my baggage and found my friend without difficulty was all “good luck” but if only that had been it.

We took off and after a few more Mins it was beyond clear to me what kind of gas it was. I almost pitied the poor fellow behind me, judging by how the air seemed to curdle it was evident that his stomach had been working on this brew all.day.long. His belly was probably so swollen with the putrid fumes he took the risk of being sniffed out so he could release the pressure and feel the sweet deflating of his organ. I on the oher hand couldn’t seem to stuff my scarf far up my nose enough to stop the gas from permeating and finding a permanent fixture in my brain.

The flight was an hour and ten mins long. About 20 mins in (long enough time to have my body poisioned with toxic bodily releases) I looked out the window and saw something that made me feel like God was pointing and laughing at me. As if the upholstry tearing action behind me wasn’t enough, I saw a hand press up againt the glass of the window in front of me (I hope you’re hearing he jaws theme song in your head right now)… The unmistakable hand … of … A … CHILD (insert blood curdling scream at horror movie pitch).
The details of how the child made me suffer is futile and I do not wish to relive it…suffice to say I’d have a hard time choosing one evil over the other. Unmatchable gas and a bouncy loud annoying kid – what fun!!
Let’s not forget the extra 30 mins the aircraft spent going round and round in circles above and in the clouds. Ever since I was a kid (ok ok… I’m still a kid…) I’ve always wanted to jump on the clouds, they look so inviting and that urge was only amplified thanks to the stinky annoying sandwich I found myself the center of.

The rest of the trip? Stood in lines, got a sim card (if you want my number for the next 3 months email me), found Buttmunch (what a happy reunion that was!!) called my mom, got to our hostel, met some awesome people, chilled, ate, chilled some more and now I’m snuggled in bed (enjoying the pleasures of a room with ac) and blogging.

I apologize for typos and generally poorly structures post – typing this much on an iPhone is annoying (but thank you Didi for letting me take your phone – otherwise everyone might have missed out on a gas of a story!)

It’s hot here, but I have AC and good company…this outta be fun.

Some other time, remind me to post on the pig man who stared at us on the drive from the airport.

Sleep sounds so good right now.

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4 comments
  1. Roni Macaroni said:

    HELlllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Although you do come off as a grouch (what’s with the intense child-hatin?) one cannot deny how amusing it is to read your account of your plane trip. 🙂 I am sorry for the gas…perhaps the man will one day fuel a plane.

    SEND ME THY NUMBAH

    • I don’t like children… You know this!!! And when travelling they’re the wooooorst!!

      • Roni Macaroni said:

        No new posts huh? BOORRRINNNGG!!

        haha. jks. but seriously…no new posts? And you’re in Incredible India!

        ????

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