I had myself a fainting spell a few days ago and as things ran it’s natural course, I found myself with a gel-glooped head this morning as I lay still for an electroencephalogram, also known as an EEG. My sister came with me but was sent out the room and so the doctor told me to take off my hat, undo my hair (bye bye neatly braided hair), take out my earrings (oh hello dirt I should have cleaned off my jewelry), take off my shoes (awesome! cold feet! onward ho!) and lie down.

I obliged and remained silent as she ran her fingers through my hair, plopping some goo on my head and attaching electric-nodes, she sploched on about four and then I got distracted (wondering if this was how Frankenstein must have felt) and lost count. But after turning my head this way and that, applying cold gel to my temple and scalp, I felt like medusa with anywhere between 12-14 wires instead of snakes.

So there I was, (after unsuccessfully telling everyone that I was fine, I just bumped my head,) having a friendly doctor tell me not to be scared (why would I be scared?), not to move and to just close my eyes and relax. So I tried. But my brain was super active and I started thinking, “What if I fell asleep? Would that show perfect brain waves? ”

I was actually a wee bit sleepy, but the electric hum wasn’t as soothing as “ocean waves” and so behind closed eyes I listened to the monitor drone on and I heard scratching noises like a sharpie on cardboard. I wondered if the needles recording my brain patterns were going haywire and I wish I could have seen the pretty mountainous patterns it was making.

I then started thinking, “What exactly is “normal” brain waves? If I were sexual excited would that mess it up?” And of course, I then had to question if others had lay there in a state of arousal while the doctors later looked at the graph and concluded brain activity was abnormal. Unlikely… but it would be funny.

Then I was told to open my eyes, then close them, then to breath heavy and at some point lights were flashed above my head. It made me feel like I was driving through a long road lined with trees, the flash of light like the sun-shade-sun-shade light-dark-light-dark shadows behind my eyelids.

I was happy my doctor had a soothing voice and her commands were polite (aaaka khol-noos, laamo saas taaan-noos), the 30 minutes I spent lost in my thoughts in her presence was far more comforting than the 45 seconds the previous doctor had allocated to my head bump.

The worst part though, I was under the impression I wasn’t allowed to move… at all…and being one who follows directions well I had a hard time trying not to shiver. Although a light blanket was pulled over me, I could feel chills run down my back -can they tell if the movement is just chills or something actually wrong with me?!

I get the results tomorrow, I’m not too worried about it, but I’ve decided (just for shits and giggles) if I have a “shadow” or something (tumor?) that needs further exploration, I shall name it. I already have scars named “Intelligence” and “Fluffy”, I think my unknown/not yet determined/probably non-existent head/brain thing will do well to be named “Dude.”

  1. Guffadi said:

    I think I want them EEG stuff… gel sel lagaaryeruh kaapaal thaado paardai… EEG!

  2. Hope said:

    You better be giving us a blog update when/if you know you’re okay!

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