So it’s been a week and I couldn’t write anything that I thought was worth posting. But while discussing writing/blogs I was told, “Some people probably don’t write a lot because they think they have to write something really good”… and I had to ask myself if I was one of them. I don’t think I am… some of my previous posts suggest I don’t aim for quality most of the time… but then again, why this lack of things to write about?
It’s odd because it’s not like my mind shut up… my head is still filled with a thousand thoughts and even more opinions and even more questions! Maybe I’ll write another list. Those help me write somewhat.
1) Murakami makes me drool. I’ve just finished my third book by him and I literally salivate over his words (given they’re translations seeing as I know literally zero Japanese.. but still!!). I wish I could write like him, I wish my brain worked like his. I wish I could see the world the way he does. How is one man filled with so much brilliance? I’m only filled with that much envy 🙂
2) I’m old now. Fine, I’m older. Another birthday came and went… and with it came a whole set of questions and thoughts. Of course, not a lot of my mental processes can be jotted down but I guess this is the bulk of what I’ve been thinking: I think I’ve got life mostly figured out (I’ve heard a lot of people tell me I’ve so got my shit together for my age…”mature” “wise” whatever.) But what I wonder is: What will I know when I’m 70 that I don’t know now? No finding this one out any sooner than then.
Oh time, I love how you’re the only thing I can’t cheat.
I also enjoy the fact that life is so uncertain and that I cannot predict where I’ll be next year this time any sooner than I guessed last year where I’d be now.
3) Everyone has moved on with their lives. I recently noticed that of my close friends I left on the other side of the world, next to zero remain at the same house/job as I knew them… which means, there’s little of their lives that fit into my memory box and that saddens me. Lives moving on across the globe and what I am doing? I’m also moving into a self that is unknown to them. Hmm.
4) I visited the Royal Palace Museum today and that too saddened me… immensely. I haven’t been able to work out which words match my feelings, but the whole thing left me awfully quiet for the duration of our tour. I was lucky enough to be guided around room by room by a fellow who works there, so I got tidbits of information most people miss out on. As he talked and explained what room was used for what (I mean, is a room to hang out in before and after you eat really necessary?) I wondered what it must have been like when royalty, lives, and people floated around under formal pretext in rooms heavy with 70’s decor.
The site where the massacre occurred is almost all demolished. All that remains is foundational lines that show where rooms once were. Rooms where the crown prince is said to have shot his mother, “Even months after the incident specks of the queen’s brains remained on the walls,” I was told. A close eye, or a following a knowing person’s finger and you’ll even see a few bullet holes that still scar the structures that remain.
Tearing down a building doesn’t erase history, it only amplifies it into our national identity and the uncertainty of the events that transpired are further mystified. To me, at least, that’s how it is. To others, it seems to be a closed case.
5) I like this song:
Watching the video and the up-and-down motion of the see-saw, I was taken back to a memory of when I was 10, and so was my friend – both of us small, we’d sit and try to balance the teetering beam for as long as we could. She’s married now, hasn’t even been a week. So. Many. Weddings.
I miss see-saws. I haven’t been on one in years.
6) I wonder what it must be like, knowing that that’s the rest of your life, rings around fingers, planning the rest of your lives. It’s incredible that so many people jump into a commitment that is supposed to last forever. It’s sad that most don’t make it even close.
7) Many things make me sad it seems.