Here isn’t there and there isn’t here

I think I’m here again – the place where I want to be somewhere else. When this feeling makes its routine visit, familiar like fingers walking on my arm, I find myself closing my eyes to everything that surrounds me. I find myself wanting to put my hands around warm cups of coffee intermittent with nibbling of dark coco perfection. I find myself dreaming of places that I’d slide in and hem the edges to fit into. I dream during the day of the images the internet displays and I am lost in myself like a woman picturing the life inside of her swollen belly.

But this time, it’s different.

I’m not looking up tickets for trips I won’t make. I’m not learning phrases in a languages I’ll never have to speak, and I’m not looking for occupations that I think I could successful hold in places foreign to me. This time, where I want to be isn’t as far as the mountains and it doesn’t call like the breeze from the open sea.

Where I want to be is so close, a place I get to visit but where I never get to stay. I want to be back to where I can breathe sun dried clothes and soap tinged with the still warm, the slight damp, the salty sticky of sweat hanging off of summer skin. I want my ears to fill with the kind of laughter that shows me the boy still alive in a man. I want closeness and intimacy like hands that know my face and the contours of my body. For once, I don’t want to run away and hide in the unknown, I want to mellow out and melt into familiarity and the comforts of knowing I’m home.

  1. Beata said:

    Wowwww, you’re back to real fine writing … how I know those feelings!!! Lovely.

    (Is this a reply visible to all? Am not familiar with getting “active” in blogs…).

    Am so very intrigued who it is writing all this great stuff …

  2. Aww thank you 🙂 I’ve been out of it and not putting my thoughts down well for a while, but it makes me very happy that you understood what I was talking about!

    And yes, the comment is visible to all, I just have to “approve” of it before it’s up for the public to see!
    As for the writer, not sure what to tell you! Just a girl with lots of things on her mind 🙂

  3. I have looked at the website, looks like you’re doing some cool stuff! I’m a little iffy about reveling my id right away, (this is anonymous for a reason!) but I’m setting up a gmail account for shethinkstoherself right now so I’ll email you in a few mins 🙂

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