This is how I am vain

“You’re just kind of a girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing in life, but has some interest in spirituality and conversation.”

A lot of people tell me I don’t take compliments well, but my qualm isn’t so much with the unease I feel about being flattered as it is my doubt about the genuinity of comments. Plus, most are generic and therefore not memorable. That being said, I recall one compliment where someone told me that I was very self aware.

In the time since being pleased by that statement, I’ve come to believe that “self awareness” is merely a silk cloth over the dagger of vanity. “Knowing” who you are is sold to us like a great feat, as if self knowledge is the highest form of awareness and to a degree, perhaps it is, but to me most of it is just a more acceptable (and even admired) form of vanity.

Why so vain? you might ask, and the answer is simple: the amount of time one spends on thinking about and pouring over the self. Sounds like narcissism to me. So… I don’t know if it’s something to strive to attain.

Now, the speculation people make of me, on the other hand… is definitely something to ponder over.


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