Crazy Cat Lady vs Awesome Dog Woman

All the lonely people, where do they come from?

I once made this plan so as to not die alone and completely fail at life: When I grew up to be a spinster that did whateverthehellshepleased (including eating out of cooking pots and sleeping naked on my roof) just because I could, I would have dogs, be old, crotchety, and a legend. Why?

Because we’ve all heard about the ‘crazy cat lady’ but have you ever heard about the ‘crazy dog woman’? No? Of course not, that’s because dog people are SUPER DUPER COOL and I had full plans of being the Awesome Dog Woman. 🙂

I imagined this happy, fun, life for us: Walks around the neighborhood, cuddling on a massive saggy couch watching our favorite shows, eating large quantities of unhealthy comfort food. Forget “sit” “roll” “fetch” tricks… BOOOORING… I’d teach my dogs tricks for EPIC WINS… like how to pee on people I didn’t like, how to pretend to have a seizure to freak out strangers, and I would train them to wheel me around on a skateboard because sometimes walking is for dogs and losers.

I’d have two dogs at the least, a HUGE one I could ride on like a horse if I felt lazy, and a smaller one to sit on my lap. They’d be my kiddies and I’d be this awesome old woman who’d punch annoying kids because no one would even think about punching me back… (HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOW MUCH POWER OLD PEOPLE HAVE? – I’d demand a seat from a person on a bus, even if it was  literally empty.)

Anyways, so I had this happy little life planned in my head, and all the planning was going swell because if you already have dogs, you’re already failproof.

Or so I thought until recently my Facebook newsfeed was invaded by posts from this guy I used to know. We went to high school together and he’s always been a little troubled. I remembered he had aspirations of becoming a Navy SEAL but as far as I know, he’s fallen into a world of apparent conspiracies, drama, bad nights involving heavy drinking and possibly (highly possibly) substance abuse.

The last time we spoke was over a year ago and from what I can tell of his current situation, his life sort of revolves around his dogs. In fact, he seems to have an above-average devotion to them which is apparent from all the dog rescue posts that he publishes on Facebook.

Save a dog from abuse. Find a home for these two puppies. Don’t let this dog be put down. This dog is scared of people, show it love. Cutest puppy looking for a home.

For some reason, it made me feel sad. He’s about my age, maybe a year older, and to be so young I wonder what life must be like for the focus of your effort and existence to be devoted to dogs. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE puppies and they are far more exciting and appealing to me than children are, but at least for now the bulk of my time goes to “productive” things…like eating, or work, or friends or blogging… seeing how so much of his daily life revolves around canines, it got me thinking it must be so lonely. Maybe I don’t want to be a spinster with a house full of dog hair.

But if I did and I died at least  I wouldn’t have to worry about them eating my face.

1 comment
  1. Kreeti said:

    Hahaha…. Really interesting post! The first few paragraphs got me ROFL… 😀

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