The ‘honeymoon phase’ and the cynicism that comes with relationships

I find it odd, that when I speak words of adoration about The Man, my obvious love for him is met with, “Oh. You guys are still in your honeymoon phase.” And they say it as if it’s a bad thing.

I understand the concept of the honeymoon phase – the usual beginning of a relationship (I’d guesstimate at the first 3-6 months) where one swoons over phone calls and texts, when your head is lost in la-la-love land, where your partner can do no wrong, and where you’ve never in your entire life been more sure about anything except for the fact that you are in looooove and bygoshdarnit, it’s the best doggone thing to ever happen TO THE UNIVERSE.

The butterflies, the optimism, the gooey good feelings…we’ve all had them happen. What I don’t understand is why people talk about ‘that phase’ like it’s something to be looked down on. If you feel that way about a person, and if you have you fights, see the flaws, have major issues and yet, can appreciate the person you’re with – why is that a terrible thing?

I can’t fathom why someone would stay in relationships if they expect it to turn bitter and cold and unhappy. I don’t like how that is expected of relationships, and if you don’t nag about your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife then you must (still) be in your honeymoon phase. Oh God forbid. Why does no one assume it’s because a couple can be a good solid match who know the downsides but are able to work through them in an effective and mature way, thus leading to happiness and more love?

This isn’t a post about how long The Man and I have been dating, it’s not a rant about his flaws, and it’s not a justification of our relationship. It just makes me sad that people have such a misconstrued view of love. Either it’s the overly media (read: Bollywood) romanticized version which is highly unrealistic (and eye rolling-ly annoying), or everyone is so damn cynical of two people being able maintain a healthy happy relationship.

Because in my book, if my future looks like I’m going to be a crotchy old woman who hates my husband as much as he hates me, the relationship is going to end. What I’m aiming for is to be two crotchy old people who hate the world together.



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