creation, immortality, and the difference


“From famous artists to building contractors, we all want to leave our signature. Our
lasting effect. Your life after death.

We all want to explain ourselves. Nobody wants to be forgotten.”

– Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

so maybe that’s at the root of my sudden need to be an active participant in creation. to just make. things. clothes. memories. accessories.blog posts.

is that reason enough?

i’ve been thinking about it–the compulsion to create. to stack words on top of each other. to make passageways with stitches. to photograph. trying to capture something. trying to leave something behind. trying to make a night worthy of being remembered. was there enough beer? was there enough laughter? trying to have meaningful discovery-filled conversations. trying to make the necessary changes happen, for a better future.  is this, also, a motivator behind an idea i’ve given birth to, sparked by another woman’s inspiration?

is it the allure of immortality?– which, actually, doesn’t hold that much appeal to me. (life would be a much bigger tragedy if it lasted forever.) so why are we all so terrified of being forgotten? of not having made an impression. in print. on canvas. in mathematical formulas and calculations.  in genetic division.

i’ve thought, for a long time, that procreation, the need to have chidren, plays a large role in this desire to exist and not be limited to time, to borders. what better way to prove you were here than to have you blood. your genes. your nose. your smile.pass on and on and on, ideally, forever. maybe that’s a reason behind more than just the parental cravings to bring miniature versions of yourself  into this earth. what better form of creation, but life, is there? creating life. between some man’s semen, my eggs, and the nest of my uterus–we are capable of that. of creating life.

breathingthinkingmovingfeelinglivinglife

and somehow, somewhere, things only somewhat make sense until i realize this is so incredibly vain. to think that there should be reason for us to be remembered. what have i contributed that makes me worthy of immortality? probably nothing that will remain for more than a few generations, if that, maybe. why is there even the need for my face, my name, for any trace of me to remain? more than inevitable death, i think i worry far more about making sure this life, my life, hasn’t gone in vain. (is this something we all share? in that, are we all the same?)

i think of those people who have marked history–Da Vinci, Einstein, Mother T; for some reason i don’t think they did what they did, achieved what they could, to make sure they were forever written into history books. they must have had some drive, some meaning, some race against time to accomplish all the little things that somehow has come to affect my life.

maybe trying to be remembered isn’t about an attempt to escape the Grim Reaper, maybe it’s  about not having completely fucked up. not having thought at all. not even having had tried to make a difference.

what’s my first step going to be?

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2 comments
  1. nameless said:

    good point. i salute you for thinking to yourself. you have great thoughts. honored to be able to have a glimpse of it in this blog.

  2. faceless said:

    isn’t nameless the cutest ,she is so oddly cute but she doesn’t know it..since we are talking chuck , chuck guy is good well he wrote fight club ..

    Our Generation has had no Great war, no Great Depression. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.
    Chuck Palahniuk
    All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
    Chuck Palahniuk
    don’t be boring…

    God he is like chuck noris …But seriously though if you want to be like mother T(you have a odd way of making jokes) do what she did if you want to be Mister T do what he did …Did you know based on who writes history if Hitler had won we all could be aspiring to be him(those who control the past controls the present and those who control the present controls the future)..

    Well where do you start..Know what you want in life start there…
    Where would Jesus be if no one had written the gospels?(Chuck Palahniuk)You wanting to be a writer is not a bad thing ..
    then again i don’t know how many books are published every year(there is a guy in facebook god he writes bad well he is awful ..I have no idea how he was able to write a novel i guess the way he writes writing that much is a feat in itself but now he is a published writer see that is how easy it is to leave footprint in this world)..
    you speak of balance well
    Writing one or two novel make it your (have you make it large thing. stupid ad)
    Then how to deal with one daily life.. part of you should strive for the writer in you then other part well the realist as in you live and you die that is how vain life is thing ,so you live your daily life earning bread,enjoying few moments hating rest and well my friend you have lived …..There you go a purpose in a absurd life…
    Then again there are many others thing one can do, go on cycle world peace tour ,,climb mount Everest with a world peace flag … ….Write a feminist manifesto …Make your childhood dream come true by being miss Nepal…Ok ok the thing is you have already left a footprint and will be leaving your prints , life is not that that hopeless ni what we do last(more or less) with lives we have touched ..
    And yes my today epiphany do the thing and don’t expect seriously oddly it works i think hola hope…

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