1) A weakening
I seem to be feeling a weakening of myself, from the core. The inability to withstand as much as I thought I could. The inability to be fascinated in the ways I used to be. The jittering of test dummy limbs, the crunch of my revenge against ants on my desk—there is a falling inside of me. A falling into…something, something that resembles the loss of strength. Unable to bear things without a sickening. Not remembering how it was that I digested things, how it was that made me so difficult to faze. I’m fazing, but in the oddest ways. This unraveling, maybe it’s not a weakening (even though that’s what I’m inclined to think), perhaps it’s a softening…to the torturous ways of nature in all her cruelty and glory (?). The un-desire to see things.
Or simply, I’m losing the ability to stomach things—from where is this coming?
2) On repeat
Not everyone can do this, but once I find a song I like I’m happy to listen to it on repeat. This song is the song of the day, maybe because it talks about rain and leaves which are two of my favorite things, and it’s essentially about waiting—and I end up doing a lot of it. (And I don’t need to mention what a super neat video this is, OK GO always impresses me with their imagination and creativity…and also music)
3) The joys of direction-less
This morning, I was chatting with my best friend and we were discussing our general state of being directionless. While to most this may seem like a bad thing, I quite like it. I like not having plans and therefore being okay with doing whatever comes my way. I like not having a destination so I’m not disappointed when I don’t get there. I like this nomadic way of living my life, because the point isn’t really to ‘accomplish’ anything. Instead, I am so much richer in a wide range of experiences.