For You, without reason

I’ve been going back and listening to music that I used to love, and the artist of last night and tonight has been Tracy Chapman. I love her. I do. I love her sound, her voice, her vibe, her depth. The songs of her’s that are a hit are clearly a hit for a reason, but/and when greedily adding every single one of her albums to my playlist I rediscover songs that I hadn’t really noticed before, but tonight, this song, For You, caught my attention and drew a line to a string that I am drawing out…

For you

There’re no words to say
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you

Deep in my heart
Safe from the guards
Of intellect and reason
Leaving me at a loss
For words to express my feelings

Deep in my heart
Look at me losing control
Thinking I had a hold
But with feelings this strong
I’m no longer the master
Of my emotions

In one of my courses I essentially learned that people who are asked to list what they love about their partner are less likely to last than those who aren’t asked for reasons. And this makes me smile, all the poetry in the world, the numerous songs written in budding of love, may have contributed to the more poems and songs inspired by heart aches and heart breaks. The basic logic behind this being when you’re forced to come up with lists, you end up just about limiting the extent of your affection. And affections such as infatuation or love, as we all know, are quite difficult to define let alone explain.

I’m a person who constantly feels like she needs to explain herself. I write letters and notes offering insights, I suffer from an almost compulsive need to make things clear, to bring about understanding, to share what’s on my mind. Reasoning. Always, forever, reasoning. And between day before and yesterday, I’ve seen how this is…burdensome.

When asked “but why” it begged reasons. There were reasons, of course there are reasons. But they were understandings made on the heart, in between smiles, existing on the underbelly of conversations. And when trying to explain myself, as I am compelled to do, starting with “because” and trying to add items to make the list longer than the digits on my hand, I felt saddened. Disappointed by how words were so tremendously failing to convey what the depth of me just knew.

just knew

In trying to say it out loud, say it in writing, it makes things I was so sure of seem empty. It emphasis how it exists for lack of reason. And maybe that’s what’s so great about it. It doesn’t have to be thought out. It doesn’t have to be dissected and justified. It exists because it does, and there is much to enjoy, much pleasure to derive.

Safe from the guards
Of intellect and reason

As it turns out, I’m no longer satisfied with conventional communication. Words aren’t enough. Lists no longer do. And explaining myself is futile. It takes the fun out of everything.I’ve also been seeing how language isn’t just about words. There’s poetry in sounds without having to know what they mean. There’s beauty in song which roll off of tongues and lyrics which can’t be found in dictionaries. So instead, I’ll smile, I’ll keeps lips sealed, I won’t always speak, knowing that there’s at least one person out there who speaks my language.

And to end, here’s my all time favorite song by Tracy…the story is obviously moving, but without the accompanyment of music I think the reason why I love it so much is just because of the way it sounds. Forget language.


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