fragments. splinterings. shatterings.


My muse has been silenced.

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the other option is to bitch. spew. vent. be angry for rootless reasons for reasonless causes. but i fear i’m much too tired. there is an exhaustion that teeters on the edge of my brain. a whole sucking away of energy and vibrancy. that leaves a hollowness in the shape of arms that aren’t here to wrap around me. what disgusting dependency. there was so much to write about. there was so much that was thought. some, i put into sounds and spoke into ears that listened. others, are lost. are being lost. are vanishing with every minute i spend staring at a computer screen that doesn’t even bother staring back. i’m sinking into this odd silence that turns my room into holy grounds. these walls that i have decorated and customized are my sanctuary after days and endless hours of socializing. of playing roles. of being a frienddaughtersistermotherloverentertainerlistenertalkerwhatever-is-required-of-me. Does anyone else tire of it? I feel odd, like I can’t find the right music. And i keep trying artist after artist, song after song, trying to find the one that feels right. that can allow me to be calm. and.i.keep.failing. the music keeps skipping.this exhausting is embedded in restlessness. does that even make sense? it’s frustrating to not be able to write it out. to think it out. to think. what a strange strange strange state of being. i quite hate it. hate it. hateithateithateithateit.

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