it’s so easy to lose sight of things. to not see the best of things that exist. to forget. despite all the negative things happening (and it seems like there are just so many), there have been some beautiful moments lately and i don’t want to discredit them. so, here’s a list to serve as a reminder to me that there are silver linings, and there is so much beauty:
1) the rains. each time it pours my soul feels more at rest. i wonder if the skies weep to offer me solace. to comfort me as i sleep. to keep me company.
2) family. i’m not very close to my family. it never really occurs to me to go to them for anything, but i tend to forget that they always have my best interest at heart. that they love me (even if i am undeserving) and the blood that is shared links us in strength.
4) music. need i say more? being able to find the right artist, the right voice, the right sounds to carry me through the day…it’s…it’s the simple things.
5) food. omg food. there is so much joy in simmering pots, in sizzling pans, the spices that waft to my nose, and the flavors that spread on my tongue. but more than what i shovel in my mouth, it’s what food is segue to…to conversations, to sharing moments, to the fun, and food always tends to bring over great company 🙂
6) friends. there are many things to test relationships and friendships: time, distance, fights, space, and yet after falling outs and break ups, once all the sifting is done, you’re left with the best of the lot, you’re left with those who care for more than just a period. and should there be people that just phase by, it’s not a loss. but for those who are here now–in person, via texts, through emails, and faces on skype–each one of them are my strength.
7) strangers. places like blogs allow for strange connections between people who share nothing but the words we put out here. for the few who have continued to read my blog, and the fewer still who have bothered to leave a comment, thank you. though there are endless conversations with friends to offer me support and love, there is a different value to those of you who don’t know me at all but still care enough to share from your experiences and to leave me words of encouragement. when i think about not writing anymore because i am at a loss and i am tired of myself, it matters that you are here. whoever you are.
8) my little apartment. i have probably lived in more than 30 rooms over my lifetime which only adds to the notion that home is wherever i spend the night, but in the beautiful apartment i live in now–it’s the most one physical location has felt like home. some place to call my own, some place i feel like i sorta belong. more than the comforts of my room and the freedom (and responsibilities) that comes with running my own domain, i love that this has turned into a place where people come together.
when friends come by, they bring food, they bring drinks, they help themselves to what’s in our kitchen, and they turn what’s in the kitchen into meals that are shared on the patio. each have found a level of comfort here–no one is a guest. and as we talk and eat and praise the chef behind the variety of dishes, i find myself at peace. content and happy.
i find myself feeling blessed that over four years i’ve found people with a range of talents, a range of personalities, people from different backgrounds and lives and experiences, and yet we come together and we come into a certain understanding. the conversation is always lively, laughter is always plenty, and it makes me feel wholesome and complete.
as nights must do, they end, and when all others leave S and I are left on the patio listening to summer crickets. left with each other, reflecting, often quiet, feeling like these are moments we don’t want to let go of. these are the times we’ll look back on, when we’re older, these are the friends who will find their way into our stories–and it’ll be interesting to see who’ll still be a part of our lives then.
for all the shit that goes on, for the paralyzing fear and depression that takes over me inch by inch each day, these people, these beautiful beautiful gems coming to my home offer me something that is priceless–a reminder that life is worth living and that the reasons need not be so big.