Reader discretion: if you have a low tolerance of extremely gross things, find other blogs to read. thank you!
so, i’ve been sick. like all sorts of things happening with my head and body that has left me generally unwell for the better portion of the last month. for bits of it i wasn’t even functional. while my body is acting up on me i had several moments of “this is the worst feeling EVER”…then something else would happen and i’d be like “no wait…THIS is the worst feeling ever” then yet something else would happen and i’d be like “this is the WORST FEELING EVER”
then i realized the physical atrocities i was going through were things i had never really talked about with anyone, so i decided to make a list of the physically worst feelings that no on ever talks about.
here’s the list i have so far, you should know, some of these are really gross…which is why i’m talking about them:
by drugs i don’t mean recreational drugs you use to willing alter your state of mind (and body), i’m talking about medicinal doctor prescribed drugs you’re given which are supposed to help with a specific ailment but do more harm with all the side effects.
i hate feeling drugged up. some pills i was recently prescribed made me feel like i lived in a haze. like my head was never really clear, like i wasn’t really where i was. it is not nice to feel like you can’t participate in your own life.
i literally did not sleep for three weeks. i’d fall asleep enough to dream (oh man, strange strange strange dreams) but i didn’t get to the deep sleep level so i never got the rest i need. i cannot tell you the torture of still being awake at 5:30am and feeling so exhausted i could cry.
it was horrid. truly utterly horrid.
and the sleeplessness was followed by chronic headaches that left me incapacitated
dash for the runs
so we’ve all got the squirts. the rumbling and sudden urgency in your bowels is awful in general but it’s not as bad as feeling the intense and immediate need to go…and realizing the bathroom is unavailable. or you’re out in town and you don’t know where the closest bathroom is.
you can feel the pressure of liquid goo sinking to the depth of your digestive system..c.ombined with the terror or going in your pants…..oh man.
you know the feeling. i know the feeling. let’s talk about it.
it’s just disgusting when you sneeze and you aren’t prepared for the thick slimy loogy that ejects itself from your nostril. a wretched feeling on your hand, and an even worse feeling when tendrils are left hanging from the pinnacle of your face.
not that happy when you happen to see if happening to someone else either, but definitely worse when you’re the one trying to find a scrap of tissue to save the remaining dignity of your face.
moral of the story: always wear long-sleeves (or carry TP with you all the time!)
this is probably the actual worst and with that, the most disgusting feeling ever. ever. EVER. i will not apologize to men for stating this because there are many things about womanhood you are spared (even if you think you aren’t, you are).
there is literally nothing worse than feeling the blood pulse out of you. stepping out of bed in the morning, or standing up after sitting for a while (if you’re not wearing a tampon) you can feel the warm blood ooze out and spread and it is not a joyous experience let me tell you.
this feeling may be one of the top reasons i am super pro-tampons, but tampons makes me feel a little weird…like i’m a temporary leak that needs a plug. because that’s literally what it is. and it’s weird. anyone else think about that?
okay, i went on a tangent. but really. the sensation of your period expelling from your body…i doubt anything can beat that in terms of feeling icky.
…and other things
i feel like i kinda need to balance this post out by talking about one of the coolest physical sensations, so here goes: i once had a corn on my foot that had to be surgically removed, the medical people decided to give me local anesthesia on my foot instead of putting me under so towards the end of the procedure when they were sewing my gaping corn-free hole, i couldn’t feel any pain but i could feel the needle piece my skin and i could feel the thread run through.
it was effing awesome. i don’t care what you think. effing. awesome. (i wonder what other experiences would feel cool if the pain factor was taken away. breaking a bone? giving birth?)
on that happy note, i shall end this blog with a devious little secret: tonight is Friday and I have conveniently excused myself from all social activities and declined invitations…not because i don’t want to go out buuuuuuuut because Back to the Future is on TV tonight and i’m willing to bet my Friday night is going to be better that most peoples. YAY!