and then after

there are moments when you are missed. in the times after a movie while the warmth and last of the music still lingers. in the inhale before a sip of coffee. you are thought of in the spaces in between cigarettes. you are thought of as emembers are extinguished. you are thought of, even while in the arms of others.

there is much that remains of you.

places. songs. books. moments. words.

and yet you fade.

you fade like dignity, you fade like respect, you fade with your inability to be true. you fade into this quest…this urgency to find yourself.

how silly. how silly and juvinile you are to go in search of something. you search for things that aren’t marked. that don’t exist except in memory. that exist in brief lapses of time that you cannot force. that you cannot create.

what you look for….it just happens.

you fool. you beautiful little fool. you search for things that would have found you. that would have been yours.

but you didn’t stay.

out there, you diminish into your fantasies and i find that my affection remains, but that it is speckled with pity.

you beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…but empty fool.


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