lately, i’ve been in the mood to sing. lately, i bleat out a line or two as it pops into my head and my voice fades into forgotten lyrics. often, i fade into dreams. lately, i’ve been noticing the change in the heat. hot hot days segue into night time breeze. winter is coming. winter feels far, but lately, my body senses summer is yawning away.
lately, i’ve been thinking of all sorts of things. trying to deal with the pressures of now, the troubles of could-have-beens, and the ever so seductive possibilities of what can still be. lately. i’m always stuck in my head. inches away from…everything. my reality is a funny funny thing and most days, i wouldn’t have it any other way.
lately, i’ve come to learn more about being a daughter, being a sister, and being a friend. i learn on a daily basis. lately.
lately, i’ve been more of myself and my friends have noticed. “finally. she’s back” one said. and i wondered at the remark. where was it that i had allowed myself to escape? or be trapped i guess.
lately the murmur of airplanes vibrate through my skin and i know that feeling is back, the desire to be moving. always moving. we’ll save growing moss for older days. i ache for new places and for unforgettable stories. i live for the stories and i imagine one day the stories are all that will survive of me. i wouldn’t want it any other way.
lately latey latey. i’ve been at a loss of words, i’ve been so wanting to write. in so many ways, lately, i’ve been deprived.
lately, the best cure for all things sour is laughter. and in memories. in stories. we recall days gone back, we remember a younger youth. and we laugh at others. mostly, we laugh at ourselves. and in laughing, in talking, we create new memories. things to be laughed at even later. when i’m older. when i’ve grown up.
lately, i’ve started noticing Nepal again. seeing my city with eyes that are aged but washed anew. lately, my head overflows with thoughts of this country, thoughts on this city, the feelings broken concrete and fogs of dust stir in me. lately. they’re just thoughts for now, maybe one day they will come out of me in words. my city my city my city. my home?
lately, i find myself watching strangers. recently, i fell in love with the most beautiful man. a stranger. a grandfather with a map of wrinkles on his face. and i wanted to trace the lines of his life. i wanted to sink into his eyes. lately, there’s a newfound appreciation for the oddest things.
lately, i feel like i’m blossoming. like i’m flowering into the best that i’ll ever be. to the best that i am. to my conflicted self i’ll be true, and as i am, i deliver myself to you.
lately. lately. lately.
much happens in between the nothings. in between meals. in bus rides. in desserts and coffees. in the in betweens. lately i have a thirst that can’t be quenched. my eyes are dry and long for words from books to move me. i hunger for my favorite movies. and watching and rewatching the footage that molded my love for film, i find so much that i hadn’t known i had lost.
lately, i feel beautiful. not in body. but in otherways. in jokes. in company. in strangers. in work. in family. in smile.
i feel beautiful.