Sometimes, the best you can do is barely get by. You only just survive. And during times like these, my life force, my saving grace, comes in the form of many a vice.
With a hurting heart, a confused mind, and a weary soul, I look to numb myself in five ways (or more).
One: In drink I find the bottom of many a bottle. Wine or beer, hell any glass blend will do, but I’ll only drink if there are friends to drink with me too.
Two: What better way to distract the heart but by altering the mind. From haze to haze, I can unravel, rest, and unwind.
Three: In times of need, as many friends as possible will do. And with gaps of silence throughout the day I’ll reach out to those far away and just write to say, ‘hey, i’m thinking of you’
Four: In misery an empty belly will not do, and that vastness in my heart, I’ll attempt to fill with food.
Five: As day slips into night, and the escape of sleep is still so far away, I’ll tune out to imagines in color, light, and sound. In film and in documentary, I’ll learn myself into a new world, even if only briefly.
And if none of these vices will do, and I find my thoughts always turn back to you, I’ll look at my phone, I’ll stare at the green by your name on Facebook and I’ll wonder and wonder, if today is the day, if the time is now, when I finally hear from you.
It seems, however many days, however many vices, there’s no replacement for you.