those other type of thoughts

K, my darling darling darling K,(who I may be more than slightly obsessed with) gave me some truly amazing advice: “go get inspired”.

said weeks ago in the middle of heated conversation (intermittent with fits of laughter), the phrase has stayed with me. go get inspired. when those words were uttered I laughed in my friend’s face and said that was the stupidest advice i’d ever heard, but there is great wisdom to it that I am on a mission to uncover.  my journey to discover gems of truth begin with questions:

what is inspiration? what are the things that inspire? why do certain things inspire some and not others? how exactly does inspiration work? where does one go to find inspiration? and, what inspires me?

I stumble through attempts at answers but my theories are weak and on my own, my thoughts are malnourished and underdeveloped. what I have come to learn though, is that I experience passion in good conversation. my soul awakes and until the conversation diminishes from my memory–those moments give my life meaning. sometimes I wonder if the only time I find purpose in life is when I question it altogether.

recently, under the influence of good times and good company, I’ve had the privilege of exploring thoughts, of offering ideas, and of having the world inside my head grow. there is a thrill to voice things rarely said, to find companionship in questions, to guide and be guided, and to be searching with someone but without any judgment. within these instances I continue to be amazed by the capacity we posses to think so many realms beyond and within ourselves. to develop a view that encompasses everything from the smallest microscopic scale to beyond how our universe is expanding. to go from the physical to the theoretical. from what I can hold in my hand to what I carry in my mind. to be limitless is exhilarating (and admittedly exhausting).

these thoughts, these conversations, I feel a heavy significance to them. I fear they are at risk of going to waste. I wonder what could be accomplished by finding a way to keep them. to build on them. to grow from them. to, perhaps, give them more meaning. I cannot believe we are the only ones to brush instances with these thoughts, and if we are not alone…especially if we are not alone, infinity grows if we can find others.

I have been vague. I have yet to state what these topics are, but I cannot explain them because I do not know how. I know they hang somewhere along philosophical and meta, but considering how I tripped and potholed through Kant, Descartes, Kierkegaard and their ilk, it is inconceivable that I should attempt to pen concepts in that direction. these topics that pique my interest are not necessarily less significant than what the great minds struggled with, maybe the struggle is actually the same but the context my thoughts are put in are slightly more…quirky.

what am I trying to get at? in this moment I am struggling to effectively communicate a thought in my head. I am fascinated that I had an abstract thought but this thought was experienced and conceived somewhere beyond language and common communication. yet, the fact that I had the thought proves that it is not beyond human computation. regardless, when it comes to sharing the idea I am so painfully limited. at best, I convey a portion of it.  how amazing is that? how amazing is that? how much more is there happening inside our minds that we are unable to grasp. and then again, how much is happening in our world, our society, in nature, in space, in existence, in history that we remain so limited in? thiiiis thiiiiiiis these are the things I want to spend my life exploring.

from the Marina Trench (the deepest point in the world under water) and how studies on it has changed our understanding of the earth, to black holes and what’s inside black holes (possible white holes!!!), to how technology is at a point where you can’t escape surveillance even when you stay off the grid, in making sense of what it is to be heartbroken, what it means to be heart broken, and the implications of believing I have lost the man I love, to viewing all religions as man created constructs subject to human evolution and influence…I want…I want it all. I thirst, I hunger, I ache for knowledge that is on the precipice of…everything…known…and unknown.

within these thoughts possibilities are endless and inspiration is well overdue .


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