what has this past year been to you?
maybe mid-life crisis is one way of saying it. quarter-life crisis anyways.
that year of hitting a wall of infinite possibilities. decisions. choices. consequences. the map evolving, detouring, rerouting, second by second. thought by thought.
jobs. career. relationships. family. boyfriends. lovers. marriage. friends. the list goes one.
falling into a confusion so deep it leaves a bed and darkness for solace.
not wanting it anymore. not wanting to do it anymore. no longer seeing the point.
so much to learn but sometimes the culmination of the human experience is like a budget tour package. you would have been better off not going.
but how are we to get off this ride?
i don’t know. i don’t know. i don’t know. how then does this make me wise?

how do you get off the ride?
death. seems like the obvious answer. but nobody wants to say it. i don’t get why.
in Mexico deities and saints concerned with death are not viewed as “good” or “bad”. light vs evil. death is neural. maybe if we didn’t see this as one big fucking loss it would be easier to jump off. easier to let go. easier to be let gone of.
but we tend to seek alternatives.
words appear: happiness, dreams, love. they confuse me even more sometimes. maybe this is why i’ve found such growing appeal for the hippie life style–weed. peace. love. don’t need to worry about armpit hair. enjoying nature. making music. living art.
i think they’re onto something. the world sees them as mad, but i think there is more truth to their insanity.

why wisdom?
‘wisest is he who knows he knows not’
maybe i’d like as my epitaph. other things only add to wisdom- broker hearts. hurting families. lies. disappointments. love. happiness. none of them are truly lasting. they all give to wisdom.
pursuit of wisdom is eternal learning. learning to know you don’t know. seeking anyways. i heard something funny not too long ago, “God created man. Man created God.”
wouldn’t you like to know?


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