i don’t know why it is that certain mornings i wake up already feeling defeated. dread sits in my stomach like the uncomfortable feeling after a night of too much drinking. you know it’ll all rumble out eventually. you know it won’t be pretty.
and this, this makes me restless. should i go for a run again? lose myself to music i’m not listening to, watching for people, feeling raised roots and leveled dirt at my feet. would a run make it better? maybe.
maybe i should sit and draw again. the piece in my living room is quickly turning into a one-time-wonder. i can’t be bored of this already. i was looking for new discoveries. new passions. i’ve got to keep going.
keep going onto something. there were things to be excited about. reasons to be happy. why do they diminish so quickly? what gets me so distracted?
distracted isn’t good. it’s a full time thing trying to stay upright in motion while maintaining balance. without movement we are dead, but in moving we lurch ourselves into stumbles and falls. it’s a tiresome game. you always lose. until you get up again.
again, again, again. i am amused by the things that repeat. a de ja vu sense about things. but there are things to stay away from. to not repeat, again. to remove as a distraction. to help maintaining clarity. breath. move. balance.
balance. move. breath. i am hoping to lose myself in productivity. there are things that need to be done. work to be finished. places to be traveled. things to be experienced. at the same time, i am hoping to be done.