if i could look 2015 in the eye to say my goodbyes, i don’t know what words would find their way. i imagine i’d look at the year as i do a former lover — all the pain and hurts hanging between us, all the tears, all the love that would still linger.
i’d look into those piercing blue and feel broken because hasn’t this year been one continuous test? the passing of time to find the breaking point of myself: my friendships,my family, my country, my home, my love, my work, my body, my passions, my fears, my future. hasn’t every bit of my life been subject to pressure, strain, and frustration?
what is there left to say as time, once again, leaves me even more uncertain of everything. i am only sure that i know even less than i thought, and there is even more i will never know.
as midnight turns into Jan 1st, as Jan bleeds into Feb, Feb into spring, spring until fall, fall into the end of another year, i wonder if i’ll be able to turn this into a year of goodbyes, of letting go.
i hope i’ll be able to release bitterness and anger.i hope to part ways with repeated pain, repeated grief. i hope to let people pass, i pray they’ll move to better things. i hope to separate myself from the past, from the fears which handicap my hopes.
i suppose, as always, there will be new things. new experiences, new adventures, new people, new places, and of course, new things to learn.
i am relieved to say farewell, goodbye 2015.