even now

i did not think, even now, in my happiness, that you could hurt me like this.
i had thought i was drifting away, from the anger, from the pain, from the betrayal, and from those lies.

those lies. those lies. those lies.

but when you know me so well, you know at which points i break.
and when you said, so clearly, you simply just didn’t like me

i fell back and again, you left me floored. gutted. spilled.
and even though i didn’t think i had any tears left for you,
i cried, and i cried. and i cried.

you’re good you said, but your personality…
and i am shaken, because it was that very self
that once loved you so well, that loved you so deep

it is the very self you hate now
who i have come to love, to accept.
i have found confidence, assurance,
myself, i cherish.

it is the same me you wrote to say you were afraid to lose from your life entirely.
but i suppose that too was a lie. it would have to be.
if your intention was to hurt so completely, you succeed.

even now, i think about spring fires on mountain tops
and where once there was magic and warmth
here on out, those memories burn.
and you with it.

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