meanwhile…


meanwhile in the real world, i’ve been learning, again, that i still have so much to learn. i am happy–this is important–more happy than i’ve been in a long time. i feel well, and healthy. and perhaps it’s because of that frame of mind i think it’s a good time to address things. difficult things. things i’d rather not think about. things better to brush under the rug.

this is not as noble as it may appear. it took prodding. and tears. a lot of tears. conversations aren’t easy. vulnarability requires uncredited bravery. even when i think i’m communicating well i can see the meaning of my words change when they reach intended ears. there is no bigger frustration than not being able to present, and see, from each other’s perspective.

i try, but maybe i’m just a bad student. not so quick to learn certain things that should be…so…easy. but just aren’t. jagged little edges. raw. and sore. always sore.

but like i said, i’m happy. and as cheesy as it sounds, i’m happy with who i am. who i am becoming. how i am becoming more…me. the individual i’m intended to be. i have found the very best kind of love–something easy and deep, simple and true, friend and lover–all rolled perfectly into one, and i am stunned. and humbled. and i am grateful. so so so grateful. to have that, and the support of friends, and the unconditional love of family. (maybe it’s true, maybe i don’t feel worthy.)

i am coming into different perspectives, changed beliefs, altered views. and it’s good. it adds depth and breadth to everything. my mind feels widened…and i am growing (this is also important!). through all of it, i am trying. bit by bit. trying to listen more. listen better. learn well. learn over, and over again.

i wanted to make note of that. of this. to have it marked somewhere–this time where i am coming into balance. finding equilibrium. at peace. and loved. so loved. and loved, so well.

happy and content. content and happy.

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