God is in a violin, and I know he’ll pull me though

I may have hit that sorry point where lyrics of songs mean way more than they should. But it’s okay, this song is most excellent and Amos Lee is an extension of my soul and I don’t have any words for now, just songs and bits and pieces of who knows what.

Oh Amos, thank you.

…and there it is

so there.
now you know the story
it fell out, all hopped up
melty and sobby
like it’d been stirred and mixed in a brewery

so there,
now you know my past
filled in the gaps
explaining those blank stares
and moments of silent….of silent nothings

and now, it’s open in history
my history
bitter history
the truths the lies the hurts
the horrid-ness of my crimes
now you know.

and i’m sorry.

i’m sorry world for my imperfection
for my failed relationships
for the person i try so hard not to be but i am

world, my head is swimming
it’s being twirled like batons with gliding colorful crepe
and i’m sorry.
my head is light and weightless
giving into the Gorkha (which we wished was Everest)

here i am, sweaty and hot, and filled with….with regrets?
is it?
or is it fears?

so i pause.
i looked out the window
and instead of city-scape
what i see is flushed face reflection of me.
blank. staring.
trying again, to push everyone down, to push it away
to going back to that continuous one act play
starring me.

bow, wave, bow
exit, please.

Don’t need words

Haven’t been able to write. Here is my happiness sleeping, I envy her.

The good nights

A simple note to say, an easy going Friday night with friends can go a long ways to remind me of the joys of life. Catching up, making jokes that will forever remain funny only to us, drinking cold beers on summer nights, taking short walks around the city, and simply being in each other companies–despite all the other worries and troubles, being with B and S (and the others that passed through the night), just them, just us, just where we’re at– it’s enough. Perhaps even more than enough.

And then this happened…

Three days of not being able to get to work entailed a fair bit of sleeping, reading, eating, and dress making:

This is my news dress, and it’s like…. FULL OF FEATURES.

Features like:
1) Three mis-matched buttons!
2) A draw-string!
3) Cuffed sleeves!
4) POCKETS…to put things in…like random sewing tools, or a kangaroo (why? BECAUSE I HAVE POCKED THAT’S WHY!) also… pockets are trickier to make than one would think, do not make them when you’re tired because strange things happen….lucky for me somehow it magically worked out in the end…and yeah… POCKETS!!

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and…it’s like little crowns. so. that’s like…good reason to love the dress. this was fun, super fancy given my limited (read: zero) pro seamstress skills. but yeah. now i just need these damn bandhas to end so i can wear it somewhere other than my room.